Hard Times

Hard times...I'm too stressed. It's splitting me apart seeing my dream fades away and it's killing me that the effort of 6 years dissipates.
Motivating myself while everything around pushes me down is such a hard mission.
It's as if I'm watching my little son suffocating...such a terrible thing! Running here and there, trying to help him, while I am in so much pain.
It's hard to think...my mind is not clear. Decisions are hard to take.
Sometimes I surrender to the idea of immigration. I feel I'm fed up. Then, I'm pulled back by the thoughts that I have been defeated and that I gave up my dream.
I failed!
I cannot achieve my dream and I cannot give up!
This is my second time. I once gave up a dream too after struggling too much.
What is painful is that my dream is part of me...when I think I cannot make it, I believe I will die...as if I don't have any other options in life. I even believe that I will never succeed in my personal life accordingly. If I cannot satisfy my soul and become proud of what I have reached, I will never be able to give in my personal life. Dead soul has nothing to give.
I'm tired. Stress is destroying me.
I'm wondering why I would end up in this situation after years of hard work and effort although GOD never wastes anybody's effort?!
Are my sins chasing me? Am I bad? or being forgiven?
GOD...I need you badly. Don't give up on me.

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