Psycho Session 1
The psychiatrist looked at her notebook then raised her head and asked: how do you rate your relationships on a scale from 0 to 5 where 5 is the highest score?
The lady answered without hesitation: 0
The psychiatrist replied in a surprised tone: WOW! Why is that?
The lady thought for a moment then answered: well...I have been thinking about it after every relationship failure. I keep asking myself what went wrong and why, wondering if it's me, without reaching a satisfying answer. But I think since no relationship lasts then it must be me. I hate to say that...but I fail.
Her tone in the last word was weak, loaded with tears. Then, the lady paused.
The psychiatrist looked at her for several seconds then asked: why do you consider it a failure? Did you love any of them?
The lady answered slowly while thinking: I'm not sure...except for one. It was very unique relationship. I felt different. I was totally a different person. It was crazy. As if I was not in my right mind then. It happened fast. I never imagined I would fall in love that fast at last. I also never imagined I could give that much. I felt I was someone else. I broke many rigid chains that have been there since ever. But unfortunately, I also crossed my beliefs. Everything was different at that time. I was stressed and broken. So I acted wild. I let myself go. I discovered a lot about me. I found out that I still have more capabilities not discovered yet. I lived happy moments followed by deeply painful dark days. That's why I never knew whether I regretted this relationship or cherished it. When I think of it now, it hurts. However, I wish I can live these happy moments again. I wish I can live such a relationship again but with a happy ending.
The psychiatrist: mmm...who puts the ending anyway?
The lady looking at the sky: not sure. In this relationship, I'm not sure who ended it. Was it me? Was it him? Was it GOD? Was it the devil? Maybe if we both tried, we would have made it...specially that we loved each other. How come we didn't try hard enough if we really wanted it to work? I felt like the devil was there most of the time...abusing the situation and our feelings. But, we let him. Love makes us weak sometimes. The strange thing is that I never felt bad about it then. I didn't understand why. I felt like the devil was totally in control of me that I got used to that. I didn't regret it. Sometimes I wonder whether breaking up was a bad thing or not. It felt bad but ...you never know. I just felt bad about how it ended. That was definitely bad. I care about how relationships end. That's one thing I discovered about myself. I like it to end in a civilized way where we remain friends, in contact. I like to keep the love...just in a different way. It really tortures if I believe someone hates me.
The psychiatrist: why is that? Why should everyone love you?
The lady...smiling: because I love myself.
The lady answered without hesitation: 0
The psychiatrist replied in a surprised tone: WOW! Why is that?
The lady thought for a moment then answered: well...I have been thinking about it after every relationship failure. I keep asking myself what went wrong and why, wondering if it's me, without reaching a satisfying answer. But I think since no relationship lasts then it must be me. I hate to say that...but I fail.
Her tone in the last word was weak, loaded with tears. Then, the lady paused.
The psychiatrist looked at her for several seconds then asked: why do you consider it a failure? Did you love any of them?
The lady answered slowly while thinking: I'm not sure...except for one. It was very unique relationship. I felt different. I was totally a different person. It was crazy. As if I was not in my right mind then. It happened fast. I never imagined I would fall in love that fast at last. I also never imagined I could give that much. I felt I was someone else. I broke many rigid chains that have been there since ever. But unfortunately, I also crossed my beliefs. Everything was different at that time. I was stressed and broken. So I acted wild. I let myself go. I discovered a lot about me. I found out that I still have more capabilities not discovered yet. I lived happy moments followed by deeply painful dark days. That's why I never knew whether I regretted this relationship or cherished it. When I think of it now, it hurts. However, I wish I can live these happy moments again. I wish I can live such a relationship again but with a happy ending.
The psychiatrist: mmm...who puts the ending anyway?
The lady looking at the sky: not sure. In this relationship, I'm not sure who ended it. Was it me? Was it him? Was it GOD? Was it the devil? Maybe if we both tried, we would have made it...specially that we loved each other. How come we didn't try hard enough if we really wanted it to work? I felt like the devil was there most of the time...abusing the situation and our feelings. But, we let him. Love makes us weak sometimes. The strange thing is that I never felt bad about it then. I didn't understand why. I felt like the devil was totally in control of me that I got used to that. I didn't regret it. Sometimes I wonder whether breaking up was a bad thing or not. It felt bad but ...you never know. I just felt bad about how it ended. That was definitely bad. I care about how relationships end. That's one thing I discovered about myself. I like it to end in a civilized way where we remain friends, in contact. I like to keep the love...just in a different way. It really tortures if I believe someone hates me.
The psychiatrist: why is that? Why should everyone love you?
The lady...smiling: because I love myself.
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